PRAY. DEFEATED.

Hello. It has been a very long time that I was't dropping by. Days are too much busy, they have been too harsh too. I didn't realize that it has been almost a year that I went far away from home, NO, my real home. I was just missing the way my life went through at the older days. How I missed my old- self. How I wanted to turn back time. Life has been too much tiring and MEAN. Yes, MEAN. Everyday, I was asking the help from God. I was begging for any extra-strength, inner strength, soul- strength to just go through these days. Life has been so much changed. Drastically as it doesn't prone to give any chances to just give the best shot. Suitable word, MEAN. Yesterday, when I sat down, alone, I asked God, " Could you please intervene and help me to end up this tiring heart-broken feelings? These stupid hell feelings disrupted my whole nerves ! I just can't get to focus on my academics, my daily routines are messing up with this abrupt and HEAVY situations of trying-to-stand up. Could you, The Most Benevolent, help me out ? ". I felt like crying. 

Back to the older days, I have SO MANY FRIENDS, SO MANY BESTFRIENDS, for whom I was never intended to befriends with, with any kind of their behaviours. If I, having any problems, surely, I'd never doubted they could come and see me, communicate personally, asking me, motivates me. But somehow, things changed. ABRUPT CHANGE. I just felt like losing all of them. Like losing bunch of grapes in a glimpse, taken by monkeys. It has been two months , NOPE, four months in sum, my life was hung in limbo as I waited to be released from these suffering days. Sometimes, I just saw hopes, I saw the way out, but it seems like they dissapearing smoothly, slowly without my notice and my consent. Life is so MEAN.

In contrary, YES, I do have some good, excellent changes in my recent life. Yet, it actually appears to become quite a strength to move on, and just put a solid FULL FULLSTOP of these growing-up-normal-teenagers-problems. I got some new good friends, YES, they're so good, enough kind to put me in a comfortable atmosphere of friendship, which says, 'Oh, I can hang up with them , laughing, eating, shisha-ing, until 5 a.m in the morning, though I got a class tomorrow at 8 a.m ! Damn! They're nocturnal ! '. In these recent days, I was being enogh grateful to the Almighty God, He had gave me easeness on my financial issues. I don't know what suitbale word to tell you guys of how much I am being so grateful to this. 


I was still in a situation to stand up by myself. What I need is people who can add up my strength. I realize how this worldly enjoyment is just temporary. Nothing compares happiness. I am breathing heavily when my fingers typed these line-by line emotional impressions. Then, I felt a clear pinpoint of light seemingly ignitng witihin my deepest pain, and it says ' God is always be with you. You are still young. '. 


I just hope to fall asleep in a way of having nothing to think, I need a transparent dustbin, which I always imagining it will be like a very big, red-coloured half-circle box, which says 'Hello Faris, I am a talking dustbin with a vacuum pump. My purpose of coming here is to suck out all those stupid fellas of ideas you are thinking so that you can sleep now'. 


I just believe a phrase, which is so meaningful for the people who believe in it, facing it, see how far the truth can be, which is ' Believe in Karma '. 

My prayers are having the days afterwards will be such an enjoyment, embodiment of happiness for me, my families, my friends and those human beings all around the world. Amin.